every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
