why didn't you poke me back
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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