I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
