I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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