Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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