awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes