There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.