I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!