jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.