I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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