Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
