Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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