you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
