dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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