im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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