there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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