Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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