I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
