WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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