I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
