I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
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But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
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I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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