I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
