Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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