I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
