Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
