He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
we're so committed to being not committed
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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