just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
