Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
