i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
