Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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