I want to have your abortion
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
