Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
