There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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