I wish I only lived at night.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
