I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
