Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
