Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
