Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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