I accidentally had phone sex last night
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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