Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
