I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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