You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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