I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
