You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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