playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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