i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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