I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
