I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
