he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
