I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
