I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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