good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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