it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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