College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
