U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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