I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
well you can't waste a boner
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
