I want you more than these girls want KFC
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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