Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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