Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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