Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
