did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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