either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
