im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
