check it out our google latitudes are spooning
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
