I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
