Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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