I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
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Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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